the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
