Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
