Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
