Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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