Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
