his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
