Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
