I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
