I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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