I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
