fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
