I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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