Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Boobs speak an international language.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
