i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
