I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
