On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
