Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
