I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
