he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
