wakey wakey hands off snakey
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
