was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
