I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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