i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
