only you would photoshop your dick
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Everclear isn't food dammit
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
