Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
