I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
