9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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