did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize