you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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