I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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