The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
