and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
