Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
