:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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