You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
