I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
