hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
