i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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