PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm too high and old for this...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
