I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
