you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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