you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
