I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
