Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
