i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
