Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Congratulations! We have a period
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
