I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
