He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
