I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
