You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's the barista slut.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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