I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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