Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
