hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
