I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
handjob tips. give me some.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
