k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
